Just the Worst

Just the Worst

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Things that are wonderful: the world, humanity, technology... Things that are THE WORST? Same list. Here's a podcast from your new favorite internet crabapples, Patti & Valentina. They're gonna gripe a lot about a little of everything.

Podcast Episodes

  • EPISODE 100: WE MADE IT
    December 11th, 2019

    This is it guys... this is when it's all going to come together. We've finally had enough practice and we're ready for the world to hear Just the Worst podcast. So stop by, take a listen, and share with every single person you know! Happy motherf*%!ing 100!!

  • Episode 99: Guns & Drugs
    December 3rd, 2019

    Today we talk about Long Way Gone, the book by Ishmael Beah. It's the story of a child soldier in Sierra Leone, but the phenomenon is happening all over the world. And it is THE WORST. It's the kind of thing that can really give you a new perspective on your life. And of course, updates on the latest TV shows, twitter rants, and other books about horrible things.  

  • Episode 98: Ways to Kill a Mouse
    November 27th, 2019

    We shall overcome! Technical problems, scheduling problems, financial problems, and mouse in the house problems. Just in time for the holiday weekend, we've managed to get you an episode of Just the Worst Podcast. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We are thankful for YOU!

  • Episode 97: Just Another Serial Killer
    November 12th, 2019

    It's Episode #1 of the Just the Worst Book Club! We waited as long as we could, but now it's time to talk about "American Predator: The Hunt for the Most Meticulous Serial Killer of the 21st Century" by Maureen Callahan. Staying surprisingly on topic, we discuss all things Israel Keyes, who aside from being dead inside (except where his daughter is concerned), is really just another serial killer. That on occasion has sex with dead bodies. Before cutting them up and throwing them in a lake. Enjoy! And read American Predator! 

    We gathered additional information from everyone's go-to resource, YouTube:

    Catching a Serial Killer! America's Worst... Israel Keyes

    The Chilling Case of Israel Keyes

    The Most Terrifying Serial Killer You've Never Heard Of

  • Episode 96: Trainwreck
    November 6th, 2019

    True to form, we are back with a whimper. A few more technical difficulties... BUT WE DIDN"T LET THEM BEAT US! In this episode, we talk about the depression that is comparing ourselves to others, envy, forced camaraderie, and hills Val is willing to die on. 

  • Episode 95: Safe Sport?
    October 22nd, 2019

    We know what you're thinking. "Oh boy, here it is... a whole episode about horses. Knew this podcast was going to devolve to this." But no! Well, yes, but also no. Have you ever heard of SafeSport? It's the US sports world's answer to Larry Nasser. And along with most other sports (that quite honestly we don't care about) it's hit the equestrian world pretty hard. Call this episode a case study of the organization and help us decide if it's a good thing, bad thing, or just another thing. 

  • Episode 94: Dumpster Fire
    October 14th, 2019

    Welcome to our first remote episode! Have you ever tried to line up to audio tracks so the conversation sounds normal? Yeah, us either. But we tried. For you. So you could hear our opinions on American Horror Story, eating tiny song birds, victimhood, and other random topics. It's all going to get better from here! 

  • Episode 93: What's Their Excuse?
    September 23rd, 2019

    Patti has been making a valiant effort to take a cue from Valentina and WATCH MORE TV. Man, was that a mistake. First it was Unbelievable - which was infuriating. And then it was the Chelsea Handler documentary, also pretty unacceptable sh*t going on. But then. THEN came Surviving R Kelly. And holy hell people, what a cornucopia of horribleness. Hide your kids, hide your wife... this one is all about one Robert Kelly. 

  • Episode 92: Are You Skinny Fat?
    September 16th, 2019

    We meant to talk about bans, i.e. things that the U.S. has banned and how that worked out. But we had some technical difficulties. OK, many technical difficulties. And by the time those got fixed we'd moved on to the crazy body image things women are subjected to, smoking (and its assistance in reaching said body image), vaping (we did talk about the ban here), and some other stuff. 

  • Episode 91: Father Whatawaste
    September 9th, 2019

    This episode is a heavy one. Is there a god? Does he/she/it give you more than you can handle? Will the human era last longer than that of the dinosaurs? What is your favorite dinosaur? Why would anyone become a priest in this day and age? Have a story that is worthy of a t-shirt? Tell us about it and maybe we'll send you one.

  • Episode 90: Real Life Blows
    August 27th, 2019

    Well, sometimes life throws you a blow, and it blows.Come hang with us as we talk about death, workplace confessions you may live to regret, bingeable TV, 80's movies, and a bunch of other stuff. Probably horses. 

  • Episode 89: Terminal
    August 19th, 2019
  • Episode 88: The Return
    August 12th, 2019

    Surprise! It's been awhile, and so much has happened. Like what you say? Vacations, new prescriptions, quit jobs, make out sessions, visits from friends, Epstein "suicided", Trump was a dick, people are bad, etc. etc. Stay tuned for next week, when we might have a topic!

  • Episode 87: The End
    May 20th, 2019

    Well... that was... the end. Of an era. Of our HBO subscriptions. So listen - we're talking GOT spoilers. If you don't know, don't find out here. We also talk about social media, friendships, being self-centered, and oh yeah... fucking ALABAMA! And Kentucky. And Georgia. SOHs.

  • Episode 86: Spoilers
    May 13th, 2019

    Be advised, we are not talking about spoilers being the worst, we are spouting spoilers from the rooftops. You have been warned. We talk over the disappointments of the latest GOT episode, life in general, and always seeing the grass on the other side as greener. 

  • Episode 85: It's for Science
    May 5th, 2019

    Valentina is full of pettiness and rage and Patti listens to too many podcasts. In spite of that, we delve into the hard topics: death, midlife crises, finding fulfillment, the unfairness of people with money being able to do more things, etc. etc. Enjoy!

  • Episode 84: InSpin
    April 21st, 2019

    Remember being a teenager and DYING to be an adult so you could run your own life? Turns out that happens pretty fast and it's not all it's cracked up to be. From paying bills to working jobs you hate, today we talk about the worst things about being an adult. Enjoy!

  • Episode 83: 500 Things
    April 16th, 2019

    It's all a blur... there are conversations about iconic movies, iconic comedy routines, world-ending natural disasters... You know. The usual.

  • Episode 82: Us Again
    April 8th, 2019

    Valentina is allergic to Sundays and Patti can't properly pronounce Jeff Bezos' name. Also in this episode? Weird medical procedures and lessons learned, parents having favorite children, more things you're not allowed to say, and The Mule.

  • Episode 81: Roadtrips
    March 31st, 2019

    Sometimes roadtrips are great. Sometimes they are just the worst. Like in today's stories. Kidnapping, child abuse, murder and mayhem... it's enough to make you just want to stay home from here on out.  It's a crazy crazy world out there, filled with crazy crazy people. Keep an eye out, and keep your doors locked. 

  • Episode 80: Bums
    March 25th, 2019

    It may be late, but it's still not midnight somewhere. After a harrowing battle with GarageBand, this episode arises triumphant. From bums helplessly drawn to picnic tables, to the construct of time, to the unattainable beauty standards set by the entertainment industry, this one has at all. 

  • Episode 79: No Saints Here
    March 17th, 2019

    We've entered an alternate reality where Valentina shows up with a topic and Patti barely shows up. On the list of this week's worst? Cosby, Jackson, C.K., Weinstein, and Carlson. Oh, and we can't forget Mr. No Fun at the office. Somewhere towards the end the topic of the day finally comes up as Val tells us how we are all the worst for knowing so little about a guy named Maewyn Succat. 

  • Episode 78: Who's Your Daddy?
    March 10th, 2019

    We're back and we missed you. A lot has happened in the last two weeks... Val has some confusing 23 and Me results, Leaving Neverland destroyed us both, and we are unable to comprehend all of the things we are no longer supposed to say.

  • Episode 77: February? The Worst.
    February 24th, 2019

    From alien interference to the oscars, this episode covers all the worst things about February. Like beets! Beets are one of the foods that February is known for? Ugh. The Worst. What a terrible month...

  • Episode 76: Sound Familiar?
    February 18th, 2019

    This President's Day weekend, let's take a walk down the halls of history and remind ourselves that while it may seem like we are witnessing the last gasp of this American experiment, we've actually been through similar things before. So maybe there is hope. But probably not. 

  • Episode 75: The Worst Kind of Flu
    February 10th, 2019

    You really have to feel for people who are raised with so much immunity to consequences that they stumble into hurting people without any idea that they might get in trouble for it. Society can't just start holding them responsible for their actions can it? That wouldn't be fair. And we all know society, and especially the legal system, is fair. 

  • Episode 74 - No Good Place
    February 3rd, 2019

    Really people. Your guess is as good as ours. This week we offer movie reviews - three decades late. We play who wore it better ("it" being mass murder) with Ted Bundy versus Joseph Stalin. Patti randomly decided to watch tv and for once saw something Val hadn't... she was too busy trying to find parking.

  • Episode 73: Punchable Faces
    January 20th, 2019

    This week on most punchable faces... smug private school boys harassing Native American veterans. Who isn't disgusted with these tools? Also in the lineup: the lack of sun in winter, ski trips, Crash Test Dummies, dreams, and all the big universal questions. 

  • Episode 72: Songbirds
    January 13th, 2019

    Join us this week for an unacceptable amount of singing and Sunday morning church flashbacks while Valentina’s Dory side shows up and wreaks havoc all over. Patti steers the ship home somehow and we run over some PC tropes on the way. Grab a drink and get on this level!

  • Episode 71: We'll Try Harder Next Time
    January 6th, 2019

    Between trying to recover from a cold and trying to recover from a hangover, this is all we got... It might be that this episode isn't worth publishing but whatever, we took the time to record it so here you go! Next week we will be back at you with terrible tales of all the worst things happening in the world.

  • Episode 70: Just Meh
    December 30th, 2018

    We are taking the opportunity of this mediocre episode to make a big patreon push - we need a recording yacht people! Also, is anything scary anymore? Is it lame to make new year's resolutions? Oh wait, new year's intentions? We're pretty sure it is but we have big plans anyway. 

  • Episode 69: #Manifest
    December 23rd, 2018

    Well here we are again! Christmas 2019. And the message we want to leave you with? No one knows what they are doing, condescending people suck, and loving yourself is the most important thing of all. Merry Christmas everyone. 

  • Episode 68: White Lady Lane
    December 16th, 2018

    It's been a long couple of weeks people. But just as we've been busy, the world has been busy doing terrible things... like protesting Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer. We're pretty sure we've crossed the ever-moving line of political correctness in this one, but it's impossible to tell until someone calls us ut about it. In any case, here is your episode. Enjoy!

  • Episode 67: Do They Know it's Christmas...
    December 9th, 2018

    Looking for pictures for the cover of this episode was THE WORST. And that is all I have to say about that. In this episode we talk about Bohemian Rhapsody, Live Aid, Farm Aid, feeding the world, and not feeding the world. 

  • Episode 66: And They Looked so Harmless
    December 2nd, 2018

    What happens when you take a week off from podcasting and go home to celebrate the holidays with your parents? You spend the weekend rummaging through boxes of old pictures and take a trip down memory lane. Oh, and you also revert right back to your teenage self and realize those family dynamics are hard to shake! 

  • Episode 65: Low Charisma
    November 18th, 2018

    On this special holiday episode of Just the Worst, we do for podcasting what Henry Cavill does for Superman. That is to say, not a lot. We're burned out and overwhelmed with all that is wrong with the world, the fires in California, the famine in Yemen, the killing of journalists by the Saudis, etc. etc. Plus, having to move two times in one month? The WORST. 

  • Episode 64: Meddlin'
    November 11th, 2018

    If you are wondering why people are fleeing South American countries for somewhere safer, the first place to look is right here in the USA. Turns out, we're pretty big on messing around with other governments for our own benefit, without too much worry about how it is going to effect the people who actually live in that country. Warning: this is not a comprehensive history - it is much simplified and in the JTW tradition, probably a little muddled. 

  • Episode 63: Anthony Corduroy?
    November 4th, 2018

    AC, is that you? And other important questions. Today's episode Features Tinder ghosting and birthday bashes in Bodega Bay. Really, what more could you want in an episode?

  • Episode 62: Stuck in the Middle with You
    October 29th, 2018

    To all my friends! Especially those of you that get this episode on a visceral level. It's pretty much the worst living in addiction or with someone who is. These days there aren't many people whose lives haven't been affected in some way. But if not, here's a little glimpse into this bummer of an affliction. 

  • Episode 61: Make a Wish!
    October 21st, 2018

    It's finally here! It's Valentina's birthday! So for this episode she talks about whatever she damn well pleases. Well, she does that every week. Anyway. Today we cover birthdays, weddings, dating, tattoos, and other nonsense. 

  • Episode 60: Do Not Get in the Van
    October 14th, 2018

    How has this story not been told on every single one of the zillions of true crime pods we listen to??? Vague childhood memories come to the present day in this episode, as we discuss this crazy-ass but seemingly forgotten Southern California serial killer. Whatever you do, do. not. get. in. the. van. 

  • Episode 59: Everything is Awful
    October 7th, 2018

    Sing it with us people! Everything is awful! We talk parents, Kavanaugh, how we treat animals, envy, and, of course, Valentina's pending birthday.

  • Episode 58: All Oiled Up
    September 30th, 2018

    We don't know if you know this, but it turns out that the human race is like totally destroying the planet. There are million ways we are doing this, but this episode looks at just one. And it's something that seems innocuous. It's in peanut butter. It's in soap. It's in practically everything it seems. It's called palm oil and it's ruining everything!! 

  • Episode 57 - Another Person's Tuesday
    September 23rd, 2018

    Valentina has a new neighbor and friend, Patti talks about learning (or not learning) to drive a stick, plus stray cats, working from home, and the benefits of having money.

  • Episode 56: Golden Years
    September 16th, 2018

    This week we talk aging. With very little research but with more personal experience than we wish we had, we discuss all the bull*!% things that happen as we get older. From losing hair or graying hair, to wrinkles and turkey necks, to your body not acting like it used to and your metabolism slowing down, aging blows. And we're here this week to tell you all about it. This one is for you Axel! Enjoy! 

  • Episode 55: Crossing the Streams
    September 9th, 2018

    Hello hello! This week is another banter episode. Patti suprisingly displays some knowledge of pop culture and Val mentions she may be trying to take pork out of her diet and went a couple days where wine wasn't that great to drink! We might be rubbing off on each other! Also, there may be a little more horse talk than strictly necessary... sorry about that! 

  • Episode 54: Speak no Evil
    September 2nd, 2018

    What other podcast can take you from birthday celebrations, to Paul Manafort's guilt, to Lasik surgery and getting old, to the atrocities of the Catholic church? Only Just the Worst. Val is glad none of the priests she knew as a kid have been named (yet) and Patti might get a little angry. Join us on this walk down the church aisle as we look at the latest scandal to hit the Catholic world. 

  • Episode 53: Oh Man!
    August 26th, 2018

    On this all new episode of Just the Worst: Valentina and Patti have been busy WORKING. But! They still have time to solve celebrity relationship problems, decide which lunch delivery services are the best, and wonder how they ever became friends. Also, Patti begins to get suspicious that Val is getting a better outlook on life and what will that mean for the pod?!

  • Episode 52: Theybie Nation
    August 19th, 2018

    It's a brave new world and we don't know what to make of it. Today we talk about the birth of the theybie movement. Oh, and asbestos and why England cares enough about Trump to make a balloon in protest. So yeah, we're all over the place. Enjoy!

  • Episode 51: Not Kardashian Rich
    August 12th, 2018

    We could tell you what we talk about on this episode, but where's the fun in that? How about instead you listen and tell us what we talked about!

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